Yes, this is my first entry. Becos my blog sux, i gotta make it up wif the content, to some extent, lengthy. I used to condemn blogging. I always scold my sister bo liao when she first started 2-3yrs ago. But i juz got the sudden urge to blog recently, maybe due to the influence of friends around me bah. Or maybe becos there are juz too many things bottling up in myself and i nid a channel to 发泄.

A lot of things happened during this summer holidays, both tearful and joyful. Juz one week after my exams, my grandma passed away. I remembered how my tears flow freely...She stayed with my family b4 she was diagnosed with cancer, which coincided with my mum being hospitalised for low blood pressure. My mum had no ability to take care of her so she went to stay with my 3rd uncle. She's had been suffering from cancer for 3 yrs, from the time the tumour was first discovered in her. Heard from the doctor that the tumour had been inside her for 10yrs before it grew so big that it blocked my grandma's urinal path. She had to have a tube inserted into her. As day passed, she became thinner and thinner, till virtually left with a pack of bones.

I rmb there was one night ard 1 plus my cousin called to say my grandma is in great pain, so i decided to go visit her with my dad even though i had an early class the next morning, for fear it might be her last moment. It's only after a while that we realised my aunt forgot to give my grandma the painkiller pills. At that point of time, my grandma is still concerning about our study and work the next day. We left only after we comfort her to sleep.

Then the inevitable day came. My dad sent my grandma to the hospital on a thursday night as she needed some blood transfusion. I tot it was juz a routine, so i went to catch spiderman 3 with my friends instead of visiting her. Its only when i was watching the movie halfway thru b4 i received my sis msg saying my grandma is in critical condition.
I rushed to the hospital only to see my grandma lying unconscious, not able to ans mi when i call her. I forced back my tears till i saw my aunt broke down and cried.

My grandma's wish had always been to come back and stay wif my family. We knew that her time was near, so we decided to bring her back to my house. We were by her bedside till the moment she passed away. Her funeral was held over 5 days, which some of old neighbours from the kampong came. On the last day, when we were senting her off on her last journey, we held carnations in our hands instead of the usual chrysantheman since Mothers' Day was near.

I cried another 2 times after the funeral. Both in my dreams. But it was the first that had a deep impact on me. She said in my dream,"Our fate as grandma and grandson has ended this lifetime. It will be a very long time before we will meet again". I dont noe why my tears will juz drop whenever i recalled this, even right at this moment. I still can vivdly rmb the smile on her smile whenever i went to visit her at my uncle's hse. Some regrets on my part is that i dont realli noe how to communicate with her at the point of time.

For the next few days I juz dont feel like doing anything, not going out, not going for meeting etc. Maybe becos im too tired after the funeral, maybe i need some time to put all the depress feelings down and get on with life.....

Thats the tearful part of my summer holidays...I guess the joyful part I leave it to the next entry.