Internal Turmoil

A mere acquaintance? i was hoping not...

Anyway, i just finish watching Full Metal Alchemist. I like this anime very much till the extend i cant stop watching. Not only that the story is full of twist and turns, the brotherly love between the main character is also very touching so much so that i yearn for a Ni-san!! Lol!!!. And the morale of the story is so much applicable to our daily lives! Yet, i'm suddenly sadden at the end of the anime for what i seek will not appear in reality...

Caught in a dilemma lately. I don't have time for everybody yet i'm trying to squeeze time for everybody. It's quite draining given the mountain of task i've to complete. Or perhaps it's not the tasks, but rather the personal time and space that i need for being alone and recharging my energy. But someone did told me "U gotta find time urself!" It's true but i just can't help lazing around doing unproductive things...

Last of all, pt. 12 and to a certain extent pt. 13 is bothering me. I dont wanna be thrown into a new "land" again, struggling and trying to adapt to the new environment or perhaps helping other people to adapt as well. And it's so hard for me to take initiative to reach out to the others. It's very tiring and mental draining. Perhaps in a way, i'm being selfish. And I know my own personality and capabilities. Pt. 13 probably sadden me the way things turned out to be given the promising beginning. But it doesn't make a difference to me whether she stay or go. Haiz.

I just feel myself going to explode when the internal pressure keeps building up inside, especially with less than 2 months to exam. I'm still hoping to achieve the target i've set at the beginning of the sem. But i dont seem to be working hard to achieve this target. The more i think, the more uneasy i feel. I hate that kind of feeling that though im very tired, my mind is very active. Though my body is motionless, my brain is still working hard throughout the night. It's more tiring than my body working and my brain switching off!

I yearn for a target...
I yearn for peace in my mind...